Drifting Away

I'm so pissed at my biological father right now... I now realize where I got my bad traits which my biological father "says that both he and my mom doesn't possess". Yeah right... a ton of b.s.! I've done absolutely nothing and yet he's fuming red hot in anger at me? what's up with that?!?! He turned on the radio at full volume like it's the end of the world so I turned it down a bit so that I can hear my own voice and hear he shouts at me asking me what's my problem?!?! So I told him that it's playing too loud that I can't concentrate on my studies upstairs and then he tells me just not to listen?! Now what the f*ck is up with that?! With a radio playing at that high of a level no human being can even concentrate let along ignore that sound... So I just fix up my lunch and try to watch TV then he comes barging inside the house yelling "kinakaya-kaya mo na lang ba ako?!! pataying mo yan! punyeta 21 na taon kitang pinagtitiisan tapos gaganyanin mo lang ako! punyeta!". Now what the f*ck is up with that again?!?!?! I turned on the tv with almost no sound coming from it then he comes inside telling me that he cannot hear the radio with the tv turned on?!! Is he f*ck*ng insane?!?! He can hear the tv with almost no audibility playing over the radio?!! ...Attention seeking bastard... If I hadn't got the virtue of patience from my mom then it would have been a warzone here in an instant. There's no written law forbidding a child from teaching his parent a lesson once in a while anyway.

Plus recently he's been pestering me that I haven't been much of a help in work here. "kaya daw siya naiinis sa akin dahil daw dun"... Well... can't he see that this activity that I've been doing recently is eating up most of my time? This activity called THESIS?!?! And when I try to reason this with him, he then tells stories during his college days when he balanced schoolwork and work given to him at home. What's up with that analogy?!! I mean duh?!! I'm only human and I can only do as much work that I can, and it's not even fair to compare the way of living then and the way of living now. I mean what was the hard task then was considered easy now and what was nearly impossible then was the hard thing to do now. I mean up until now I have never failed a subject in school and also got pretty good grades while at it, so please cut me some slack! I'm also human! I'm bound to fail sometime or another.

Everytime I go with my father to work, I always laugh inside (and sometimes even store hard feelings inside) when people complement on how nice my father is, how he understands them etc.etc... try living with him for some time.. you'll see how wrong you are. And just recently, my brother-in-law got a taste of that when he made a HUMAN mistake while doing what my father asked him to do. I wanted to tell him, multiply what you feel now by 365.... now you know how every year of my life passes by. With all this I have realized recently that I am not anymore comfortable working at home. Whenever I have projects or when I'm working on my thesis I go out and work on it at starbucks or any other place where I can stay for a long period of time.

For my classmates, now you know why I don't want you guys to hang out here.... it'll just piss me off how my father will show you his soft side when you're there, then return back to being cold when you've gone already home.... Trust me.. it happened already during high school...