Lost Time

It's been long since my last post and a lot has happened in that long span of time. Some good and mostly bad.

Okay... let's start with the bad news.

It's official, my fear went true... I failed in my thesis defense. Now I know why I've been feeling uneasy for the past 3 weeks. As in every hour that passes by I get more nervous. It was like a voice in my head was telling me that I was finally going to fail in one thing that I never expected to. And it sure did got me.... The first time since 2nd year high school that I failed a subject. And just like that time, I failed the subject which I never thought I would fail... computer. The only difference is that I accepted the fact that at that time, I didn't really take our computer subject seriously. But this time was different, as I made all the possible preparations before the race... but still I came up short.

But if I knew my project more, how could have I failed here? ....maybe just dumb luck... since a lot of lower year girls watched during my presentation. So Saguindan in nature, tested if he could break me down (syempre pasikat cya sa audience... since puro babae nga...), and break me down he did (unfortunately). He just burried me with a lot of questions... even irrelevant problems that surprised me one would even bother asking. And so as he was throwing away with the questions... the other two just joined in the bandwagon. And there I was... down but certainly not out! I still had enough in me to smile and shrug off all the pain inside... and also, I wouldn't show signs that I was broken down... in the end, I didn't give them what they want... hey, they won the battle that day.... but I'll definitely win the war!

And also these past few weeks have been very.... how shall I say it... very unlike me. How is this? Basically it's like I'm low on fuel... uninspired to do anything wholeheartedly. This confuses me since there's no reason to be uninspired. Even writing songs/music which usually I don't have trouble finishing got affected. I get a hold of my guitar and after a short time I have this unexplainable feeling that stops me on my tracks. Maybe it is because my supposedly inspiration is also causing me to get uninspired? Even my blogging is now affected by this.. words now are not coming into mind as quickly as usual.

Well, for my own good, I need to find a solution to this problem of mine... quickly...